Today’s my birthday and somewhere between the cake and well wishes, I found myself wanting to do something a little more reflective. I thought it’d be meaningful to take stock of my life and think about various lessons I’ve learned throughout the years.
Some of these lessons came easy, some came at a cost. There are probably more I haven’t thought of yet, but these are the ones that rose to the surface, and I think that counts for something.
On Faith
1. God has to be at the center of our lives, not just in theory, but in practice. It makes you a better friend, partner, daughter, and person. It also releases everyone around you from the impossible pressure of being your everything. We’re all just peers, learning and growing together.
2. Deal with sin swiftly. Be quick to repent. And if something is genuinely harming your walk with God (e.g. an app, a habit, a relationship) don’t treat it lightly or negotiate with it. e.g. Deleting Instagram because I realised it was quietly eroding my sense of self.
3. Find your anchor. Life has real highs and real lows, and you need something that holds through both. I’ve found that God has been my source of hope in times of distress, and my reason for thanksgiving in the good times. It’s important to know how to praise in the good and bad, and to keep running to Him in the good and bad as well. Pray about anything and everything, and give thanks in all circumstances.
On People & Relationships
4. Family is more important than you realise right now. Don’t wait until it’s too late to get closer to them. That includes your grandparents, especially your grandparents. Time with them is more finite than you think.
5. There’s more to life than work. Your career doesn’t have to consume you, even if you’re ambitious. Intentionally make time for people – show up after a long day, have the hard conversation, volunteer, encourage. You can’t take your work or wealth to heaven. But hopefully, you’ll see the people you loved and invested in there.
6. Give people the chance to show you how much they care. You might be surprised how supported and loved you feel when you actually let people in.
7. Learn to listen well. Being a good listener and asking good questions, being curious, and remembering what people say/share is so crucial when it comes to forming lasting and meaningful connections.
8. How you say things matters as much as what you say. There’s no rush to respond, especially when it’s something serious. Take your time to understand, to clarify, and to say it gently. I picked this up through some experiences that felt like walking on eggshells (not the ideal classroom, but I’m grateful for the habit).
9. Forgive people quickly. I heard someone say that “Forgiveness is releasing someone from the consequences of their actions”. It’s not just lip service, it’s really letting go of what you think the person owes you, it means letting go of bitterness and praying the best for that person. And the fruit of such a level of grace is an immeasurable amount of peace, love, and mercy from God too.
10. You really do find love when you least expect it. For real.
On Marriage & Singleness
11. Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. The person you spend your days with shapes every area of your life. Take your time to discern before you commit. And once you commit, really commit.
12. Use your single season well. Work on selflessness, patience, being slow to anger, and growing in empathy and understanding. I think these specific traits have helped me the most in my current relationship. Understand that you’ll never be 100% prepared for a relationship or marriage, but you can be aware enough about the significance of such a covenant, and you can take steps to be ready enough to enter into such a partnership. Use the single season well to gain that level of maturity.
On Work
13. Think long-term, even in your 20s. Don’t only live in the moment. Work hard while you have the time and energy. Future-you will be grateful.
14. Find a monetisable skill and hone it. It doesn’t have to become your full-time job, but it should be something aligned with your interests and something the world actually needs. I’m blessed that I got to discover design early – it opened doors and provided income during my schooling years. Explore, try things, find that intersection.
15. Being hardworking will only become rarer and more valuable. Lazy people may be clever workers, but the character trait of diligence and resilience is something increasingly few people possess. I think that in an age of AI, that’s going to matter more.
16. People matter far more than we think in the workplace. Learn how to connect genuinely, communicate clearly, and show up for your team. Be the person who remembers what someone mentioned in passing, who checks in when a colleague seems off, who gives credit generously. I’ve found that the quality of my working relationships has shaped my experience of a job far more than the job description ever did. Skills get you in the door, but how you treat people determines how far you go, and more importantly, who you become along the way.
On Character
17. A healthy perfectionism makes you excellent. An unhealthy one makes you fragile. Learn early how to manage your expectations and know when to let things go. Things often don’t go to plan, that’s not failure, that’s just life.
18. When you’re feeling down, allow yourself to grieve and be sad, but not for too long – otherwise you run into the risk of that negativity being a part of your personality. I give myself a limit of a day which may sound absurd, but it’s helped me over all these years.
19. Being angry takes up a lot of energy. Stay calm and composed as much as possible. It makes life significantly quieter and more peaceful, for you and everyone around you.
20. Understand the why behind things. Not just your own actions, but other people’s too. Before jumping to conclusions about why someone did something, ask. Learning the rationale behind behaviour gives life so much more depth and meaning as we understand people and the world better.
21. Be authentic and consistent. I’ve found life to be simpler when I’m the same person online, offline, on Saturday/Sunday, and on Monday.
On Health
22. Your health is an asset, invest in it like one. Drink enough water. Eat real food. Don’t skip strength training. Build a sustainable rhythm, not a three-month phase. The goal is a lasting lifestyle.
On Wisdom & Life
23. Keep asking yourself what a “good life” looks like to you. This will change over the years, and that’s worth tracking. In light of the Gospel, I don’t think a good life is just material success (though there’s nothing wrong with that). I think there ought to be some element of love, joy, and a positive impact on people beyond just your own circle.
24. Hold things loosely. Anything can happen in this life. Let things come, let things go, while still showing up fully and doing your best in each season. Holding loosely keeps you from idolising what was never meant to be an idol anyway.
25. Be wise about how and when to give. It’s more blessed to give than to receive, but nobody asked you to be unwise about it. Give at the level God leads you to, or at the level where you can still do it cheerfully.
26. Spend time in nature. There’s something about a bird, a tree, a stretch of water that resets something in you. As life gets more digital, going outside and being present in what God actually made is one of the simplest and most healing things you can do.
27. You can never go wrong with being kind. When you first meet someone, just be polite, warm, pleasant, and present. You don’t need to be the funniest person in the room or the most memorable. Once the friendship is established, unleash all your lame jokes and intrusive thoughts. But until then, kindness goes a long way.