In light of Valentine’s Day, I’ve found myself in a reflective mood about love.
Jesus’ love
It would feel incomplete to write about love without first speaking of Jesus.
I initially meant to reflect on romantic love, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that the way I love is shaped first by how I’ve been loved by Him.
“We love because He first loved us.”
I feel like my love will never be sufficient or whole unless I reflect His love for me, and unless I am first filled with His love before I pour into others.
Jesus’ love is transformative. When I truly grasp how wide and deep His love is for me, it grieves me to hurt Him. I think that’s part of what Scripture means when it speaks about the fear of the Lord; a profound awe that leads to humility, worship, and obedience.
It is this reverence that anchors the way I live and the way I love.
What does loving others look like, practically?
Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
It is a daily commitment. In fact, I’ve found it feels most real when it costs something; when it shows up in moments of inconvenience, conflict, or discomfort.
There is a Swedish Proverb that says, “Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it” or “Those who are hardest to love need it the most” (Socrates). These quotes highlight the need for unconditional love during difficult times. Love is tested most clearly when the other person is hardest to love.
I used to feel hesitant to say “I love you” until my love had been tested. For me, those words carry weight. When I was able to still show genuine care and affection, and consider the other’s needs and feelings above my own, when I could be selfless and lay aside my pride and desires, when I could be enduring and endearing, when I could be empathetic and understanding – that’s when I felt like I could utter the weighty words, “I love you”.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I don’t take the word “love” lightly. It is perhaps the most beautiful and significant word we use. Each day, I pray that I become more like Jesus in the way I love.
So, what’s so special about Valentine’s Day?
If I’m honest, not much.
Valentine’s Day is cute, fun, and aesthetic. But the concept has never fully sat right with me. Why concentrate affection into one day? Doesn’t a sudden spike of love on a stipulated holiday seem odd? Shouldn’t love be expressed daily?
In many ways, Valentine’s Day feels amplified by consumerism and social expectation. It can create unnecessary pressure to perform grand gestures.
That being said, communication matters. If your partner has expressed that flowers or a small gesture would make them feel cherished, then loving them might mean honouring that, within reason.
Withholding an expression of love without explanation can feel dismissive. Even if a gesture feels small or symbolic to one person, it might carry emotional weight for the other. To love well is to pay attention.
On the other hand, being pressured to perform affection simply because everyone else is doing it can be frustrating. When love becomes measured by social comparison, by bouquet size, dinner reservations, or public displays, it loses sincerity. It shifts from thoughtful expression to obligation.
The pressure to perform
The expectations tied to Valentine’s Day are only a small glimpse of a broader societal pressure.
We’re constantly exposed to curated proposals, dramatic declarations, and elaborate celebrations on social media, not just in romantic relationships, but across life milestones, family moments, motherhood, and friendships.
Every day, we see highlight reels of people going above and beyond. The pressure is already there in subtle ways, quietly shaping our expectations. But on holidays like Valentine’s Day, that pressure is amplified; louder, brighter, and harder to ignore. The pressure to match those displays, or to measure your relationship against them, is real.
It’s unsettling when you can’t tell whether your desires are truly yours, or subtly shaped by what you’ve consumed. We need to be mindful about how our desires and emotions can be swayed by the “norms” and standards we see on social media.
Recently, I stepped away from Instagram, and it has been liberating (I might write about this in the near future). What we consume shapes our perception of reality. Without the constant comparison, I feel clearer about what actually matters to me.
At the end of the day, love is not about conforming to trends nor about stubbornly resisting them. It is about mutual understanding, choosing to act with consideration, from a place of genuine desire, not compulsion.
A moment of thanksgiving
We live in strange times. There was that article on how having a boyfriend is embarrassing (by Vogue). I see how having your social media content become “my boyfriend”-ified suddenly can be a little off-putting and performative. But sincere, quiet love? That will never be embarrassing.
Regardless of cultural takes, I do want to take a moment to gush a little. As I reflect on this season, I can’t help but give thanks to the best matchmaker: God.
I won’t go into the details of how we met here. But I will say this: this relationship has reshaped my understanding of what healthy love can look like.
I once read that “the highest form of love is consideration“. I don’t know if I would say it’s the highest – but I agree that it ranks quite high. When someone thinks about how their actions and words would make you feel, pays attention to the small details, and holds you in regard when making decisions that could affect you – that is so loving. And I’ve never felt this seen, considered, and understood before.
Early on, my partner also said something that has stayed with me: “The most loving thing you can do is let someone be themselves.” I think true love is when you really understand and know each other, and trust each other. It’s when you let your partner be themselves and when you make them feel so safe and comfortable that they can share anything with you without a second thought.
I thank God for how faithful and merciful He has been to me, to have blessed me with such a patient and kind partner.
It’s never been about the flowers, chocolate, or gifts (though, he did get me really good chocolate – which I deeply appreciate❤️). What matters far more is that he genuinely spurs me toward Christ. He challenges and encourages me in ways that help me grow – both as a person and as a woman of God.
Even if, for some unforeseen reason, this story were not to unfold the way I hope, I would still thank God. Because He has already used this relationship to bring healing, joy, and clarity into my life.
In closing
I remain optimistic about love. Not because romance is perfect, but because love, at its truest, reflects the heart of God.
His love saved me.
His love healed me.
His love redeemed me.
Romantic love is beautiful. But it is only beautiful because it echoes a greater Love. And for that, I am overwhelmingly thankful.